Radio Anxiety Dreams: Dead Air

How stress dreams — even the terrifying ones — can quietly train us for real-world crises

Anxiety dreams — almost everyone has them. And usually they involve whatever it is you do for a living.

Mine are about radio.

I had one the other morning. One I couldn’t escape. I’d realize I was dreaming and wake up — but when I went back to sleep, I dropped right back into the same dream.

Here’s how it went: When I arrived for my shift at an all-news station, everything in the studio had been changed. The board was hard to operate — older, less advanced than I was used to, clunkier. Important parts were hidden under a shelf. Nothing was clearly labeled — if it was labeled at all.

The anchor before me was wedged between the company CEO and the market manager. They were all sharing the same microphone, but I couldn’t make out what they were saying. I gathered that the two bosses would come in every hour to do something, but no matter how many times I asked, they wouldn’t tell me what.

But it was very important. So important that I’d better not do anything to mess it up. Except no one would answer my question about what it was.

When I took over, the board made no sense. We were back to using carts, but nothing was labeled. I tried to bring up the traffic reporter, but when I opened the channel, I heard someone’s private phone call. So I ad-libbed and filled time — something I do a lot in my radio dreams, because I’ve never been afraid to do it, and I’ve had to do it more times than I can count.

But the anxiety wasn’t the ad-libbing. It was not knowing what was going on — and no one telling me.

After three trips into that dream hell, I decided not to go back to sleep. I got out of bed. I was out of sorts most of the day.

I’ve had much worse dreams.

You see, I suffer from an anxiety disorder. Fortunately, I’m on the right medication, and it keeps it under control. But the dreams still come, especially during those “between gigs” times — like the one I’m in right now.

There was another anxiety dream… and it was horrible.

All-news station again. I hit the music bed on the computer screen to come out of network news, but it wouldn’t play. Oh well — a glitch, I thought. No big deal. I opened the mic and began reading my news copy. It included sound, a statement from the LAPD chief… only… it wouldn’t play. I hit it again. No joy. I tried to play it manually with the mouse. Still nothing.

No matter. I’m a professional, and I knew what the chief had said, so I explained it and moved on.

The same thing happened in the next story. The audio was gone. Apparently, none of the audio in the news software was working. Some kind of major foul-up with the entire news computer system.

I ad-libbed my way through the next few stories. I figured we’d try to fix the problem during the next long commercial break.

Except… the commercials weren’t playing either.

No audio source was working at all. Apparently, some kind of major foul-up with our local network, or the audio cards in the board, or something — but the only thing that could go on the air was the microphone.

So I ad-libbed about that. I explained to the audience that we were having technical issues. The traffic reporter was experiencing the same thing.

But fortune smiled on us. We looked up at our TV monitors and saw that a wild police chase was on. So the traffic guy and I went on the air and filled time with that. Occasionally, I’d break away and read news stories — the editors helped out and gave me a bunch of “readers,” stories with no embedded sound.

That, and the police chase, helped us get through the next 40 minutes or so, until the engineers figured out the problem and fixed it.

But here’s the thing — that last one? That wasn’t a dream. That actually happened.

How did I get through it without freaking out? Well, all those anxiety dreams helped. It was like they were practice. I was comfortable working without sound, filling time, and ad-libbing. I don’t know if I would have been that comfortable if it hadn’t been for all those dreams.

So while anxiety dreams can range from amusingly annoying to panic-attack-driven terror, they do have a silver lining.

Working with so many people in the radio business, I’ve heard lots and lots of terrifying anxiety dreams from friends. Usually it’s something about the song running out, nothing cued up, and for some reason, they can’t grab anything to play or reach the microphone.

It’s almost always about dead air in some form or another.

For a radio person, dead air is the Abyss you dare not gaze long into.

Tell me about your anxiety dream. Leave a comment below and let me know how yours involves your career. (It must be pretty damn terrifying to work in a nuclear missile silo. I don’t even want to imagine what that anxiety dream must be like.)

And please share this article so I can hear from more people. And if you’d consider becoming a paid subscriber to help support my work — especially while I’m still between official gigs — I’d be eternally grateful.