The cookie jar

A blast from the past... 2017 to be exact

I wrote this in 2017, but somehow it always seems relevant.

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"I've caught you with your hand in the cookie jar!"

"No, you haven't!"

"Dude, I'm looking at you right now! Your hand is in the cookie jar!"

"It’s not even a cookie jar!"

"It says ‘cookie jar’ right on it!"

"Fake label. And just because my hand’s in it doesn’t mean I’ve taken a cookie."

"You've got cookie dust on your tie!"

"Witch hunt! Besides, you can't see my hand inside—it's not a transparent jar."

"It's connected to your arm."

"You’ve got arms too! Why aren't you under investigation?"

"Because I’m looking at you—right now—hand in jar!"

"There aren’t even any cookies in this jar. You’re just obsessed with persecuting me to cover up your own crimes."

"My crimes??"

"Yeah! You put cookies in here and did nothing to stop theft! This is YOUR fault!"

"But you just said there were no cookies."

"I did not. That’s fake news."

(Sound of repeated squelching as I bash my skull into the wall.)